Letter from a Home Invasion Averted

Dear Colin, 

I know you are probably bombarded with stories from fans and viewers, but I hope you get a chance to read this. I want to tell you about an incident that happened to me this week. 

Three days ago, I was sitting on my front porch smoking a cigarette. Mind you, it was 8:00 in the morning. A fella drove by and started honking his horn at me. I have no idea who this person was, so I knew it wasn’t a friendly “hello!”.

I just ignored him and continued reading the e-book I was reading on my phone. He honked again and began shouting “hey!”. I figured “Oh, he’s just cat-calling me, I’ll just go inside. He’ll get the picture.” I got up, went inside and locked the door behind me.

The fella was not pleased. He pulled up in my driveway, got out of the car and began pounding on my door. I went to the window and shouted for him to get off my porch. He turned and went back to his car and drove off. My husband heard the banging and got up to come see what was happening. I explained to him what had just happened. I told him I didn’t get a plate number but I described the car to him.

We figured that was the last we’d see of him. I’ve been cat-called before, like most females, but never had anyone take it to that level. Then today, around noon, I heard a bang on the door. I thought it may be my landlord. I went to open it, and there was the same fella, same car. I sternly asked what he wanted?

My one year old came waddling up to the door. “Oh, uh….I was wondering if this place is for rent, or if you know any places around here that are available?” I coldly stared him down and asked him if I looked like a damn real estate agent. I saw him sizing me and my toddler up. I knew this was a bullshit ploy and I was internally kicking myself for not bringing my pepper spray to the door with me.

He continued standing there trying to keep the conversation going, looking for some excuse for me to let him inside, or continue talking to me. I shouted for my husband and I told the fella, “Next time I see you, I’m calling the police!”

My husband came to the door and asked him what he wanted? Again, the fella repeated the bullshit story about looking for a rental. Then he turned around sheepishly and left. I remembered one of your videos in particular, where a fella went crying to the local news that he was simply looking for directions to get to his school, when an “evil, no-good racist” threw him off his porch and informed him that he had a gun!

In that story, the local news reporters happily played along. I was waiting for news cameras to show up at my door asking me why I’m such a hateful bigot and why did I have to throw that poor Jehovah’s Witness off my doorstep when he was just trying to share God’s word with me???

But I’ve seen enough of your videos and read your books, and I know that the fellas like to invite themselves into people’s homes and the family living inside usually turns up dead, raped, robbed or lit on fire.

Just wanted to say thanks for what you do, and for keeping us aware and alert. If any reporters come knocking on my door, asking me about the incident, trying to spread more denial, deceit and delusion, I’ll let you know! Like you always say, we’re just being sized up. They don’t need to use the phone, they don’t need a dollar, they don’t need directions to the school and they’re not looking for a place to rent.

This guy just wanted to see who lives here, if I’m alone, am I armed, am I onto his ploy or am I naive and an easy target? Fortunately, this didn’t turn into a tragedy. Thanks for keeping us informed! Have a good day!